unneeded stress

My best male friend has become somewhat of a workaholic recently.  I have been concerned about his lack of social activity, so being the good friend that I am, I attempted to break him out of his rut by inviting him to happy hour.  He quickly shot down my invitation and informed me that he would rather go home than be social.  About an hour later, my blackberry buzzed with this text:

Takeaway: As females, we are culturally trained to worry about our friends and loved ones.  We all too often forget that stress and anxiety can cause unneeded wrinkles and those stray gray hairs.  Therefore, avoid worrying about him as much as possible.  His epiphany will come when his jeans no longer button and Call of Duty is his new best friend.

good as new

My brother has faced his fair share of injuries.  As the sister of an athlete and self-dubbed "man of nature", I have become accustomed to his frequent phone calls that detail his latest bump or break.  However, he managed to surprise me when he called to detail his recent biking accident and subsequent front flip over the handlebars into the cement:

Takeaway: Primal instincts encourage men to be resourceful. Avoid emasculating him by allowing him to handle crises in the way that he deems fit.  However, when his method fails (i.e. his wounds become severely infected), feel free to step in and take over.

colorful cocktails

The relationship between men and fruity drinks has always interested me.  I have been told by many that it is "embarrassing" or "emasculating" to order colorful cocktails, despite the fact that they tend to be delicious.  My boyfriend has always subscribed to this mindset, so I was shocked last night when he confidently declared to our waitress that he would like to try the Prickly Pear Martini.

Takeaway: Beer gets boring.  If he can justify his choice of beverage, then support it...even if the drink is neon pink and rimmed with sugar. 

oscar interruptions

I made one thing clear to my boyfriend on Sunday night: the Academy Awards are to me what the Superbowl is to him.  I assumed he understood what I was trying to imply (minimal distractions from him, unless food was involved) but found that I was very, very wrong as he proceeded to chatter away and talk over the acceptance speeches.  Apparently, I missed one of his jokes while I was busy swooning over James Franco.

Takeaway: Ignoring him is mean.  However, pretending to listen by laughing and contributing an occasional "yeah", "definitely", and "are you serious" may pass as adequate on those "rare" occasions when you are unable to grant him your full undivided attention. 

economical decisions

Being surrounded by men has taught me that observation is often more comical than participation.  I acted on this learning last week as my boyfriend and male roommate discussed how to spend their bonuses:

Takeaway: When men get attached to an idea, logical thought processes can take a backseat to impulsivity.  Just let it happen. They'll come back to reality soon enough.

one is greater than none

Ladies, I have a secret to share with you all: we are not the only ones who often find ourselves lost in manslations.  I've watched my male friends and family members throw up their hands in frustration at the nonsensical (and sometimes borderline stupid) comments that are made by their own gender class.  My roommate recently met a girl that he felt would be the perfect match for his single best friend.  Unfortunately, his bestie's attention span was subpar:

Takeaway: The fact that he picked up on even one word of your conversation indicated that he is, in fact, listening.  Keep in mind that it could be worse.

a blooming birthday

My brother has a very structured approach for gift giving.  I can always count on him to call me approximately two days before a loved one's birthday to ask about what "we" will be purchasing.  He thinks he is being clever by slyly attaching his name to my heartfelt gift ideas, but he surprised me this year when he attempted to add his own twist to our mother's birthday gift:

 Takeaway: It is easy to get frustrated with men for their laziness, but their idiotic contributions can evoke even more frustration.  Keep in mind that they mean well, and accept it for what it is.